Soul of a Wolf
by moonsiren06
Summary: I ran from the memories, the faces, the voices, and the pain. I never looked back as I disappeared into the dark night. My interpetation of what happened to Jacob at the end of Eclipse. rated T for Angst and Language but is very said and my first Song Fic


Hey Guys I know I know I'm starting another fanfic while I have 4 others I have to finish but my new obsession is Twilight and after finishing the third book this idea popped into my head and I just wrote it down and then I found the perfect song to match it So I decided to do my first song one-shot fic hope you guys like it. Just a warning VERY angsty so if you don't like I wouldn't read it, sad ending.

Song Used: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

**Soul of a Wolf**

The delicate paper slipped through my trembling, numb fingers falling gracefully to the floor with only a whisper of a sound. It felt like my entire chest was being ripped out of my body, as if I was being torn apart slowly from the inside out.

_I love him, don't you understand that yet! _

Her voice echoed angrily through me slipping between the recesses of my mind torturing me with the sweet melody of her voice. I finally swallowed past the large lump that had appeared in my throat and looked up from my trembling hands into Billy's concerned gaze.

"Jacob, are you alright? What did the letter say?"

I just nodded my head slowly not really knowing if I had enough strength in me to say anything to him, so I didn't and I just swept past him and out of the house. Never looking back as I made my way silently into the darkened forest ahead.

_You fingertips across my skin__  
__The palm trees swaying in the wind__  
__Images__  
__You sang me Spanish lullabies__  
__The sweetest sadness in your eyes__  
__Clever trick__  
__I never want to see you unhappy__  
__I thought you'd want the same for me  
_

I could still taste her lips on mine, could still see the love in her beautiful brown eyes as she gazed up at me. I could feel her small warm body pressed up against mine and her hand gently caressing my cheek. All these images and memories just kept on flashing through me ripping the hole in my chest wider and wider until I felt that my body would split in two.

Finally under the cover of the darkened leaves I let my body take over, I let go as it started to quiver faster and faster until I could feel my bones moving and my body reshaping itself into another form entirely. I didn't open my eyes again until I knew that my transformation was over and even then I couldn't see past the face that loomed before my eyes. Those fucking glowing brown eyes looking into my soul, radiating love and happiness. I looked down at my paws in the moist forest floor and felt an overwhelming wave of disgust rise and attempt to suffocate me. I knew that my disgust was not for her I knew my disgust was in myself for letting her take my heart, for letting her fucking walk away, for just standing there and doing nothing…NOTHING like a fucking coward!

I began to walk slowly maneuvering easily through the trees, being able to see perfectly in the darkness. I could hear the sounds of the night echoing throughout the forest but my mind was miles away. I just kept on thinking through all the events of the past couple of months, seeing her through my minds eye. Seeing her depressed, in pain, smiling sweetly at me, laughing at one of my stupid jokes, angry, looking at me with love reflected in her eyes, and finally looking at me with pain and regret reflecting in her beautiful chocolate eyes.

I knew she loved me and I knew she hated that fact as well. I almost let a sob escape my mouth at that thought. She hated the fact that I had forced her to realize she had fallen in love with me. I had made her choose between us and she had chosen him…she had chosen death over life, she had chosen darkness over sunlight, she had not chosen me and even though I knew who she would choose deep in my heart I knew she would never choose me, I couldn't help but give my heart to her.

_Goodbye, my almost lover__  
__Goodbye, my hopeless dream__  
__I'm trying not to think about you__  
__can't you just let me be?__  
__So long, my luckless romance__  
__My back is turned on you__  
__I should've known you'd bring me heartache__  
__Almost lovers always do__  
__We walked along a crowded street__  
__You took my hand and danced with me__  
__Images__  
__And when you left you kissed my lips__  
__You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no___

_I never want to see you unhappy__  
__I thought you'd want the same for me_

At that moment I hated myself so vehemently that I felt like just jumping off that cliff into the dark ocean and never coming up from those dark depths again but I knew that would only cause her more pain. As pathetic as that was I just couldn't cause her anymore pain on my behalf so instead I started running, running so hard and fast that I was a blur in the night, flying through the forest never looking back, never slowing down.

_Goodbye, my almost lover__  
__Goodbye, my hopeless dream__  
__I'm trying not to think about you__  
__can't you just let me be?__  
__So long, my luckless romance__  
__my back is turned on you__  
__I should've known you'd bring me heartache__  
__Almost lovers always do_

I slowed slightly when I saw the ocean ahead, it wasn't the same ocean from forks but the ocean still stirred the memories in me and I couldn't help but pull back my head and let the cry that I had been holding burst out of me, ripping through me, all my sorrow mixed in with the desperate cy of pain. As I looked back at the ocean, my throat raw from my cries of pain, I just saw her looking at him with a look so tender and loving that I could feel another crack spread through me. I knew I was on the edge, my human mind could not take so much pain, so much heartache and if I let it go on I would break into a million pieces and never be able to come back, I would always stay as I was, A wolf. But I would never have to remember, never have to feel, never have to go back….

_I cannot go to the ocean__  
__I cannot drive the streets at night__  
__I cannot wake up in the morning__  
__Without you on my mind__  
__So you're gone and I'm haunted__  
__And I bet you are just fine__  
__Did I make it that easy for you__  
__To walk right in and out of my life?_

I started running again, running away from my pain, running away from the memories, running away from the faces, the voices, from everything because I couldn't take it anymore, because I couldn't stand to remember those faces, their voices. As I was started to pick up my pace I could feel that familiar whisper of familiarity brush my mind and I knew that someone in my pack had turned and was trying to contact me. I didn't care I didn't want to talk to them, it would just bring back more memories, It would force me to go back, and I couldn't go back, I couldn't live their knowing I would never have her, knowing that she would forever be out of my reach. It was just too much and I pumped my legs harder, willing my self to go faster, willing my body to fly across the land, away from all the hurt.

_Wait for us Jake! Where are you going? What's wrong? JAKE! _

_Goodbye, my almost lover__  
__Goodbye, my hopeless dream__  
__I'm trying not to think about you__  
__can't you just let me be?__  
__So long, my luckless romance__  
__my back is turned on you__  
__I should've known you'd bring me heartache__  
__Almost lovers always do__  
_

There were more of them now, probably the whole pack now, trying to talk to me, searching for me, trying to bring me back but I refused to answer them. I knew they could feel all of my pain and I knew that they would be in a panic trying to catch up to me but I was too far away now, running faster then I though was possible.

I was now running across the desolate plains of a desert, running so fast my paws barely touched the heated sand. It was still night and I knew that I was well on my way out of the country, but I didn't care I was never coming back. So I kept running until I reach the border and even then I didn't slow and finally all the worried voices slowly started to fade and I knew I had reach the limit of the pack because I could no longer feel their worry and panic and I allowed myself a small smile because I knew now that, no matter what, I would never be found again and the memories would never be forced out of me. I finally slowed when I reached a thick forest two days later and I knew I had reached my destination. This forest was full of wild animals and had no signs of human contact, which is exactly what I wanted. I didn't want anyone to find me… not even my pack.

Finally allowing myself to stop running I sat back on my haunches and sat panting staring at the ground in front of me and yet not seeing anything. I delved into my mind not knowing exactly what I was doing but knowing I had to try and finally I found it, the wild part in my mind that was beating at its cage trying to get out and I looked at the russet colored wolf in my minds eye. Its almond shaped eyes staring back at me completely wild and without human intelligence. I smiled because I knew that when I opened that door I would never remember anything again and I would never feel this pain again. I would never see her face again….

I finally walked forward and fingered the small handle of the cage and then I took a hold of the handle and pulled….

The small animals in the forest all watch warily as the large wolf stood and started to walk again slowly until coming to a stop in front of a small river. He leaned down his majestic head and lapped at the water eagerly until his thirst was abated and then he turned around and looked up into the trees, his golden colored eyes the eyes of an animal, no longer the brown intelligent eyes of Jacob Black.

~FIN~

Please review and tell me what you think.


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